The Mindful Nepali

Passion can only get you so far. There are days when you question whatever you’ve been doing and wonder if what you do really matters. This is especially true if you are a meaning-seeking creature driven by a sense of ‘trying to make an impact so that the world around me gets better’.

For someone like me who usually operates with a high level of self-doubt and constant reflection in a bid to improve, this comes all too often and makes me look deeply within. Only recently, I had a similar experience regarding the Smart Class and Mentorship programs that I run. I felt like I had so much to give but wasn’t quite sure if the same was being reciprocated in the form of tangible improvements in my students/mentees. But this self-doubting led me to have an epiphany. At a time when I was reeling under self-doubt if the work I was doing really did matter, I remembered this amazing perspective by Prateek Raj Neupane, a faculty at King’s College. In one of the Empowering Hours sessions run by my friend Silwal and I, we had asked participants what a conversation with their 99-year-old selves might look like. As a response, Prateek sir concluded that he would be happy if he could look back on his life and just know that he had tried. Although it still came across as profound at that moment, it makes so much more sense to me now.

Sometimes, circumstances wane us down and self-doubt creeps in. It’s during times like these that the best you can do is to reflect on your life and focus not on the results, but on the effort you put in.

So today, I want to remind myself that:

1. I tried to show someone a positive path.
2. I tried to give what I think I should have but didn’t get.
3. I tried to forgive someone who wronged me.
4. I tried to be there for someone who needed me.
5. I tried to be a better son.
6. I tried to be a better friend.
7. I tried to be a better significant other.
8. I tried to undermine my own ego and ask for forgiveness.
9. I tried to create more and consume less.
10. I tried to overcome my fears and limiting beliefs.
11. I tried to smile at a stranger.
12. I tried not to be difficult.
13. I tried to be simple.
14. I tried to be more kind and compassionate.
15. I tried not to be awkward.
16. I tried to add value.
17. I tried to give selflessly.
18. I tried to understand myself.
19. I tried to understand people and circumstances around me.
20. I tried not to complain.
21. I tried not to give up.
22. I tried not to be a bully.
23. I tried to be still.
24. I tried not to be resentful.
25. I tried to let go.
26. I tried to grow.
27. I tried to be ethical.
28. I tried to be true to myself.
29. I tried not to be misleading.
30. I tried to accept help when I needed it.
31. I tried to be one with nature.
32. I tried to be mindful.
33. I tried to take care of my health.
34. I tried to do absolutely nothing.
35. I tried to breathe.
36. I tried to be self-compassionate.
37. I tried to listen.
38. I tried to stay open-minded.
39. I tried not to judge.
40. I tried not to get attached.
41. I tried to be loyal.
42. I tried to be a man of value.
43. I tried to connect.
44. I tried to question.
45. I tried not to assume.
46. I tried to be joyful.
47. I tried to love.
48. I tried to become a better person.
49. I tried to find myself.
50. I tried to try.

In essence, I tried and sometimes, that’s all that matters.

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